I know it was me who suggested that we keep the texts to a minimum over the holidays because I wanted to give my kids and family my undivided attention. I didn't think I would miss you this much. It hurts, deep in my gut, I ache. I love sharing little parts of my day with you whenever you ask where are you now or what are you doing. I love knowing that you are just a text away, even though the reality is 1500 miles separate us. I keep looking at kik and seeing that you haven't even checked your messages from me yet. What are you doing? Where have you gone? You have no idea how happy it makes me to see the S change to a D then an R, and then see .. is typing. I go over the moon - He's here now, he's here. And all is good once again. I really try not to let on just how much I need you in my life right now - be cool, don't smother him, don't scare him off. As much as I adore you, and even love you (yes, love you), part of me wishes that we would just end it so I could get my sanity back, before you, when I was normal, and believed that online affairs were fluff for foolish gulliable people. Not educated, worldly me. Yet you had me on the very first message, the first text. Your opening line drew me in, and I bit. Yes, I answered, go on. And on you went. Your words arosed me, sexy and playful, and a bit silly - you were not like anyone else who had ever tried to chat me up before, and I went with it. Right there, that night, in my office alone, you seduced me like no one every has. The best part - you kept coming back, sometimes to play but sometimes just to talk. I bought a new phone because of you, opened a kik account, and changed my schedule around so we would have time to chat. I know that in reality, we would have a very tough time of making a go at a real relationship as we are so different from each other - and if I had met you in real life, we likely wouldn't have given each other a second though. Maybe that's the most exciting part - that there is no tomorrow with us - it's just now, and when the chats ae over, we are over. And I can then go back to normal. But after you, I don't know what normal would look like.
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So here I am long past the time when the kids have gone to bed, and I'm still here at the office. Not working - despite the piles of files on my desk - but not going home either. Just trolling around EP and seeing what is new. And avoiding - work, home, reality.
Now that the election is over, my number one hobby (political blogs and newsites) is somewhat empty. Quite enjoyed the results (my guy won!) and the resulting what the f"" just happened navel gazing by the GOP, but the General's affair just isn't enough to fill the procrastination void.
I am the well spouse in my marriage to a disabled husband, and I am the sole income earner. My husband has help at home so I haven't left him stranded. He is well taken care of, as are the kids. I've always worked long hours, but I guess I stay at work later than I should because part of me doesn't want to go home. Sometimes it is because I upset the routine but other times I admit I just would prefer to be alone. I don't mind being alone - never have. A good book, smooth jazz and a large glass of something white or red, and I'm in my element. But even so, it's lonely here and I know I'll be lonely even more when I go home.
Previous PostsMiss you like crazy, posted December 27th, 2013
Mrs. Roper's Book Club, posted November 7th, 2013
still at the office, posted November 13th, 2012
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